Legal
Family law: divorce advice and support
Here we discuss when to obtain legal advice, find a recommended divorce
solicitor, legal aid, children and mediation. We also talk discuss the
courts and documents. Collaborative law is introduced. This is a new
approach in family law involving four-way meetings to reach agreement
without going to court. International law is also part of this legal
section.
If you can't find what you want, we are only an email away as we are
always here to help. But please read through as many sections as you
can, particularly the legal, financial and children ones.
This section is written according to the laws of England and
Wales
This section is written according to the laws of England and Wales except
for the individual sections on Northern Ireland, Scotland and Ireland.
This is for information only and should not be relied upon. Divorce
Aid stresses the need to seek your own legal advice and the Team is
happy to refer you to suitable family lawyers wherever you are.
Is it over?
Is it really over? Have you done everything possible to save this relationship?
Have you looked at your part in this breakdown and can you be honest with yourself?
If you are in the midst of emotional turmoil, now is not the right time to think about divorce. Look back at our section on Emotions where you can find out about counselling and other forms of help. Our books section has our personal recommendations.
This information could help you to understand your feelings and to plan to move forward, whether this is in saving your marriage or bringing it to a more peaceful closure.
Should I start legal proceedings?
If you are so emotionally distraught, now is not the time to suddenly commence legal proceedings with the exception of domestic violence or fear of disposal of assets. (See our article on domestic violence In this section).
But contacting a solicitor and getting advice from him does not mean that you start divorce proceedings, you are just informing yourself about your rights and obligations. No decisions have to be made. Step back and try to get yourself on some level ground, to feel some sort of balance.
How do I know it's over?
You need to ask yourself:
How did you feel when your marriage worked?
Why did it go wrong and when was this?
What was your part in this? Be truthful.
What do you want and who will it hurt the most?
Is what you are fighting about, or neglecting, worth the breakup?
What can you do to save it?
'What about the love we made? She's upstairs in her room crying over
you and me.' S. Lynn
Rational planning
You may know it is over when you are able to feel more rational and
plan ahead for all concerned, when you can walk out the door with little
anger or frustration. Otherwise you really do have unfinished business
until you are able to look each other in the eye without hatred or resentment.
Just as you planned ahead for the marriage, now sadly could be the time
to do some work on your divorce.
Step back and reflect
Emotions, children, health, legal issues and finances are all woven
together in the divorce process. The more care and consideration you
are able to give these areas, then the more acceptable and constructive
the divorce may be. Your aim is to move on and you should do all that
is possible for your family to do the same. Now is not the time for
recriminations and fighting through solicitors. Now is the time to say
what you feel.
'Divorce is most likely to wreak havoc when spouses declare war on each
other and draft their kids.' C. Ahrons
Where can I start?
We simply cannot cover all aspects of divorce law but we do try our
best. If you read through this site, you will probably be in a better
position to understand the legal process and how it may affect your
particular circumstances.
Is getting a divorce difficult?
The actual technicalities of obtaining a legal divorce are not so difficult.
The difficulties arise when you are both riding the emotional rollercoaster
whilst dealing with the life-changing decisions affecting any children
and your present and future finances. So, whether you have come to this
decision alone or together or it has been made for you, the best advice
is to learn as much as you can, seek professional advice, always try
to communicate with each other and do your utmost to behave in a dignified
manner, especially where there are children involved. We hope that this
section will enable you to understand the basics of the legal process,
provide you with access to further information and enable you to seek
out the professional help that you may require.
No substitute for solicitors
As you will see in our first article about solicitors, there is no substitute
for your own solicitor's professional advice. He is the only professional
person who can advise you about all the areas of your divorce; your
legal position, your children and your finances. No matter how much
you read or what your friends tell you, there is only one person who
can advise you properly. Never rely on the information provided by your
spouse; always seek independent legal advice and we normally recommend
solicitors who try to reach agreement in a non-confrontational manner.
You are not alone. There are many people willing to help you.
Reach out and it will get better. Have a look at our divorce social
worker's article on our Collaborative law page
Preserve your assets and relationships
with cooler heads
'The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.' Martin Luther King Junior
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