"One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can collect only a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few."
Solitude and challenge
'Man is what he believes.' Anton Chekhov
Learn to be alone sometimes. Envisage your life as peaceful and calm; banish the fear. Be stronger than your fear. Have faith in yourself and, as you learn to move on, challenge yourself to find your spirit, to broaden your horizons and grow.
Learn from children
Children smile on average at least 400 times a day: adults 15.
Kids laugh about 150 times a day and adults only 6. Children play from 4 to 6 hours a day and adults 20 minutes. Shouldn't we learn from children?
Find your spirit
Test drive your favourite car.
Take dancing lessons, something new, tango or salsa?
Go on a retreat to a sacred place or shrine. Visit somewhere that was special in your childhood or your favourite tranquil place.
Alter your diet, shop somewhere different, shop for each day.
Study something at night school, by correspondence or online. The choice is vast and for some ideas, check out our Moving on section.
Wear something different, experiment. New aftershave or perfume?
Do something scary - Do something you have always feared, surprise your kids; go down a giant water chute or ride on a big dipper. Have fun.
Buy some seeds and get out in the garden.
Paint a wall to transform a room. Have your favourite poster or photo framed.
Treat yourself regularly, small or large treats; candles, a massage or a new book.
Show your friends and family that you value them.
Clean out a drawer or a cupboard. The more that is thrown out, the less space you need, the more simple life becomes.
Love like you have never been hurt
Love like you have never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching
And sing like nobody's listening.
When your mind is quiet, you are peaceful. One way to achieve this is through meditation. Sit in a quiet place and watch your thoughts go passing by as if they were clouds on a sunny day. Breathe deeply and slowly. Thoughts are just thoughts; try not to bring drama into them. Let them pass by. Peace, tranquility.
"If whatever you have so carefully visualised happens, so be it and if it
doesn't happen, so be it. It is this mindset that allows you to let go of the fear and brings peace into your life."
You have to say yes to life and let go of your resistance. Try to approach everything with a yes in your heart. No means to struggle, to be a victim, to resist. Yes means growth and from deep, deep pain comes joy. Joy always comes after pain. Reach out and talk to others who have been through this process and see how they have changed, adapted and moved on.
Reach out with confidence and love.
'Spread your love everywhere you go. first of all in your own house. Give love to your children a next door neighbour let no-one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.'
' When entering a room, stand tall as if you were powerful and loving; affirm that no matter what reaction you get, you are a worthwhile person who has much to give this world; focus on what you are going to give rather what you are going to get in the way of approval or acceptance from other people; radiate your loving energy from your centre to everyone around you.'
Susan Jeffers, 'The Little Book Of Peace.'
Connect yourself to God or whatever name you give to the force out there that brings you such a feeling of peace. Place your faith in the God you know. Build your rich life and find trust. Let go of expectations and focus on your blessings for there are many. Say yes to life and enter the land of positive tears often. Pray a lot. Here Susan Jeffers gives us an example of a prayer to build trust, gratitude and purpose:
' I trust that no matter what happens in my life, it is for my highest good. And no matter what happens in the lives of those I love, it is for their highest good. From all things that are put before us, we shall become stronger and more loving people. I am grateful for all the beauty and opportunity you put into my life. And in all that I do, I shall seek to be a channel for your love.'
Check out www.susanjeffers.com
Questioning your faith?
This is natural. Where are you, God? Why have you done this to me?
You could feel angry and reject the faith that you have practised, particularly if the subject of divorce is not condoned.
"And how can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?"
Here we hear again from Sophie Hannah.
She is now a best-selling crime and fiction author in the UK and USA, poet, children's author... read her biography and more...she is incredible...
If People Disapprove of You
Make being disapproved of your hobby.
Make being disapproved of your aim.
Devise new ways of scoring points
In the Being Disapproved of Game.
Let them disapprove of in their dozens.
Let them disapprove in their hordes.
You'll find that being disapproved of
Builds character, brings rewards.
Just like any form of striving.
Don't be arrogant; don't coast
On your high disapproval rating.
Try to be disapproved of most.
At this point, if it's useful,
Draw a pie-chart or a graph.
Show it to someone who disapproves.
When they disapprove, just laugh.
Count the emotions you provoke:
Anger, suspicion, shock.
One point for each of these and two
For every boat you rock.
Feel yourself warming to your task -
You do it bloody well,
At last you've found an area
In which you can excel.
Savour the thrill of risk without
The fear of getting caught.
Whether they sulk or scream or pout,
Enjoy your new-found sport.
Meanwhile all those who disapprove
While you are having fun
Won't even know your game exists
So tell yourself you've won.
Sophie Hannah, from 'Leaving and Leaving You' (Carcanet, 1999) Reprinted by permission of Carcanet Press Ltd; and Sophie Hannah.
Not the only one
You are not alone with these feelings of rejection but try not to take them personally. Trust that this is normal and that a sense of balance will return. Contact your religious leader or mentor. Seek comfort from those you trust.
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven;
a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up;
a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones. And a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace,
and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
From Ecclesiastes Chapter 3, Verses 1-8