Emotions

Anger


Next stop on the emotional rollercoaster, anger can be the next emotion. You could experience a confusing swing of emotions including anger in any order or repeatedly. These will gradually decrease. Anger is important. Let it erupt but do not allow yourself to feel out of control. Your feelings towards your partner could be so intense that you concoct several revenge strategies, perhaps even culminating in physical harm. This type of behaviour will not help anyone. There are famous cases of revenge but all these had repercussions which of course made life very difficult.

Do not get out of control
Try to voice your feelings with a close friend but do not do anything that you will later regret. Confide in a trusted friend or relative. Phoning your spouse's employer or putting friends on the spot will only embarrass you in the long run. Remember, particularly with children, that you will have to communicate together in a civilised manner in order to reach agreement on various issues. You will have to form a new partnership in order to parent if you have children. If your friends or relatives are unable to listen in confidence, do look at counselling where you will be able to express your feelings in a safe and professional atmosphere. See Divorce Counselling

Anger is vital
You are recognising that it is over and you are slowly starting to let go of the old order of your life as you knew it. This could be a time to reflect on the past. There are usually problems on both sides and it could be beneficial to recognise this. Be honest with yourself. Try not to see yourself as a victim and try to keep the children uninvolved at this stage. Although you should learn about your legal position, this is probably not the time to send out costly and emotional letters from solicitors.

Feel your anger
Use it constructively. It is a powerful resource but do not use it with negative emotion. Take responsibility for yourself. To remain angry could lead to bitterness and loneliness. You must move on. Anger will always return but don't be tempted to remain with it long-term.

As to every man who becomes angry, if he is a sage, his wisdom departs him; if he is a prophet, his prophecy departs from him.
(Babylonian Talmud Pesahim 85b)



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