Parents
Parentline Plus
Stress busting for families this Christmas
Christmas might be a time for festive cheer and goodwill to all –
but these sentiments can wear thin as families struggle to cope with
the stresses and strains of the yuletide.
Money worries, families spending more time together than usual, and a wish to create the ‘perfect Christmas’ can heap on the pressure and cause tempers to flare.
In response to this, and the number of families who contact the charity wanting help and support over the holiday season, parenting charity Parentline Plus has put together some tips to help ease tensions during the Christmas period.
“Sometimes the pressures of the holiday season can be a real struggle for many parents, and tensions can run high” says Parentline Plus’ Chief Executive Dorit Braun. “There may be conflicting demands, with family members wanting different things and competing for attention.
“Where there has been family change, after a death or separation, there may be particular difficulties as resident and non-resident parents and their relatives and partners struggle with issues about contact.”
PARENTLINE PLUS’ CHRISTMAS STRESS BUSTING GUIDE
Get together and write a list of what everyone wants to do – discuss what is going to happen so no one is disappointed. With older children discuss family time and time with friends so you get a happy balance
Make a list of who needs to see who – particularly important with extended stepfamilies
Schedule in some time to recharge your own batteries - if you’re well rested you’ll be able to enjoy your family more
Don’t assume that everyone else is having a wonderful time – everyone else is muddling through just like you, so try not to put pressure on yourself
Don’t try and do everything yourself - make a list of jobs which need to be done and allocate them between the whole family
Don’t try and keep everyone happy all the time - you’ll collapse under the pressure
If this is your first Christmas as a stepfamily your child may feel confused and maybe even angry – try to allocate some time that you can spend alone together to reassure them that your love for them has not changed
Allocate space or a room for the kids toys so you can have some adult space - e.g. if you are at home get the kids to put all the toys in their room by the afternoon
If tempers are flaring – and everything gets too much remove yourself from the situation and perhaps call a friend or relative. If you want someone to talk to Parentline is open 24 hours a day throughout the Christmas period on 0808 800 22 22
Plan a family treat to avoid that deflated feeling after the holiday season – so you have something to look forward to rather than just the humdrum of returning to school/work
Children
If children live with criticism
they learn to condemn
If children live with hostility
they learn to fight
If children live with ridicule
they learn to be shy
If children live with shame
they learn to feel guilty
If children live with tolernance
they learn to be patient
If children live with encouragement
they learn confidence
If children live with praise
they learn to appreciate
If children live with fairness
they learn justice
If children live with security
they learn to have faith
If children live withapproval
they learn to like themselves
If children live with acceptance and friendship
they learn to find love in the world
Anonymous
Parentline Plus is a registered charity which offers support to anyone bringing up children; grandparents, other relatives or foster parents. It runs a FREE 24 HOUR HELPLINE for anyone who is concerned about children in their care. This is open 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. There is always someone to talk to.
'It was nice to hear from someone distant from the problem. They are understanding but don't judge you. It made such a difference.' (A mother from Bristol)
Just had a row with your ex partner about children? Give them a ring. Worried about a child in your care? Speak to a trained member of staff who, as a parent too, will easily understand what you are going through. They have so much experience about anything to do with looking after children. Keep a note of the number. It also runs courses for parents and works with local and central government to increase support for families.
Please kindly say that you found them via this site.
FREE 24 HOUR HELPLINE 0808 800 2222
Any time, any place, it's Parentline Plus. There's no need to worry
alone. Share your concerns. There is always someone to talk to and remember
that it is free. This service is confidential, calls are free and do
not show up on the phone bill.
If you need parenting advice or you are stressed out, pick up the phone
or check their website at www.parentlineplus.org.uk
There are many useful online publications for you and your children.
Contact Counts is a current campaign and provides support for anyone
having problems about seeing children after the breakup of a relationship.
Advice is also offered about difficulties that come with setting up
new families, How to be a stepdad is another good leaflet. General parenting
and teenage problems are also discussed. Have a browse. Other leaflets
may be ordered.
Parents, step-parents, grandparents and other adults ring Parentline
Plus with a wide range of concerns: Many talk about disagreements with
their partner or ex-partner, ill-health, loneliness, low incomes and
disability.
Other subjects may be babies, school problems and dealing with your
teenager.
You can offload your emotions while being anonymous. You are not judged
and these people understand.
The build up and the loss – a parents guide to surviving
the empty nest syndrome this autumn
Thousands of parents will be hit by the empty nest syndrome
this month as their children head off for universities and colleges
around the country. National charity Parentline Plus is offering top
tips for parents preparing for the big send off and asks ‘what
can parents do to prepare themselves?’
Tensions can run high in the lead up to the new term. The stressful last minute packing, the pearls of wisdom which seem to fall on deaf ears and the thought of financial strife can lead to arguments flaring up at a time when you want to enjoy your children before you lose them to a new life as a Fresher.
Parents may be anxious about their child’s life skills as they prepare to live away from home for the first time and worry if they will manage their money, be able to make a decent meal and not spend all their time at the student union making the most of the cheap price of beer! Whilst at the same time parents have aspirations for their children getting a good education and a head start in life.
“Parents can start to prepare themselves for the changes ahead and the loss they will feel when their child moves out of the family home for the first time, re-discovering themselves, their relationships, and life after children”. says Dorit Braun, Chief Executive at Parentline Plus. “Just because they have moved away, it doesn’t mean they don’t need you, your reassurance and your support”.
The charity has put together some top tips for worried parents. Parents can log onto the charity website www.parentlineplus.org.uk call the 24-hour, free Parentline 0808 800 22 22 or e-mail parentsupport@parentlineplus.org.uk for further information and support.
Parentline Plus top tips for parents by parents
Acknowledge how you feel – knowing how and why you are
feeling anxious or low is a start in the right direction. You may all
feel quite stressed getting ready for the move. Lots of your time may
be taken up with helping your child get things ready.
Talk about it. If arguments are flaring up near to the move time talk about how you are feeling. But remember to try not to make your child feel guilty about flying the nest as this will cause resentment
You may feel quite a shock when they are gone – almost like grieving. Think about ways of keeping in touch if they don’t live round the corner such as learn how to e-mail. Or if they have moved locally invite them over for dinner or plan a shopping trip together
Be aware of how you are with any children who are still at home. Try not to over compensate with other children who may feel suffocated by too much attention
Make plans for the weeks after they have moved out so you keep busy and start taking time out for yourself
Do something for yourself. You may have more time for yourself now the washing and ironing has gone down! whether it is spending more time with friends or pursuing a dream - think about what you want
If you have a partner you may feel you want to rediscover your relationship now the focus has gone from the kids. Think of things to do together without the children.
Dorit ends “Don’t forget they will soon be back in the holidays,
so prepare yourself for this if you have got used to having the place
to yourself”.
And what about you?
As parents, we are always putting our children. Read about your life
here.
You can of course read about this in our emotions, health and moving
on sections.
Parents driven to distraction with computer-obsessed children
The image of the 21st century child glued to their computer may be a popular one but not for their worried parents who are turning to Parentline Plus for help.
The charity has recently seen an increase in the number of calls from parents and carers concerned about children spending too much time on their computers.
"My nine-year-old would happily spend his entire weekend playing computer games," one parent told the charity, while another said: "My daughter gets home from school and jumps straight on the computer, sending messages to friends she's been with all day. It drives me mad."
And with computer games, X-Boxes and Playstations due to feature on thousands of Christmas lists putting even more pressure on parents, Parentline Plus - the biggest independent provider of parent support in the country - has put together some helpful tips.
"Parents are worried that their children spend too much time sitting at their computers and not enough time interacting with friends and pursuing physical activities," said Dorit Braun, Chief Executive of Parentline Plus. "While computers can be a fantastic resource, they can also be a source of irritation and arguments in families."
What to do if you think the kids spend too much time on the computer:
- Think about how your family spends leisure time. After all, is playing on the computer any different to watching a night of television?
- Agree the amount of time your child can spend on the computer every day. Be firm. Make sure your partner or ex backs you up and keeps to the rules when you are out.
- MSN messenger is a favourite for your child to talk to their friends. Think of it as being an alternative to phoning - and cheaper! Keep a time limit as you would with the phone.
- When buying computer games check if there is an age certificate, as some games have 'adult content'.
- If your child has already got into a pattern of constantly being on the computer you may need to rethink your approach so you meet half way.
- Consider what interests your child has and encourage them to get involved in other activities. Find out what local youth clubs are available, or leisure facilities that won't cost the earth.
- If you're worried the computer has become a substitute for friends try to talk to your child without making them defensive. If it is something that is worrying them you can put your heads together to see if there are ways in which they can meet new people.
Editor's note
If you are struggling with finances, see the Directgov site about student finance.
Also get in touch with Divorce Aid if you need legal information on this subject.
Try to listen to your child. You are not alone with these worries or feelings. Give the above number a ring.
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