Parents
Mediation
How can mediation help in divorce?
When you are unable to sort things out between yourselves, then it is
worth considering mediation. Mediation is a means of talking to your
partner in the presence of an independent professional, a mediator.
It should not be confused with counselling or marriage guidance which
deal with your emotions and your relationships. If you go to mediation,
it assumes that your relationship has broken down and that you both
wish to attempt to sort out any disputes you may have regarding your
children, your home, finances or legal practicalities. Mediation looks
at ways of resolving disputes as a result of your relationship break-up.
Mediation is seen as a way of avoiding the court process. It can avoid
much stress, time and money.
Are there winners and losers?
At the end of mediation, you should feel that you are neither a winner
nor a loser, but that you have come to a sensible arrangement that you
can both live with. In other words, it helps to sort out a workable
compromise.
What is the advantage?
Mediation can help to reduce tension, anger and misunderstandings and
improve communication between you and your partner. And communication
is, after all, vital when trying to reach a settlement. This is especially
important if you have children as you will probably have to co-operate
over their care and upbringing for some years to come.
Can children use mediation too?
Some mediators, including National Family Mediation, also offer services
for children. Most children, usually from the age of six, benefit by
being able to discuss their feelings with someone outside their family.
After discussing their feelings, usually including fears of abandonment,
anger and sadness, children can then get back to being children.
Would mediation suit me?
You can use mediation whether or not you are married and whether or
not you have children. It can be used at any stage in your negotiations
if you both feel that it could help. A mediator is trained to create
and maintain a sense of balance in your discussions but if domestic
violence is an issue, you should consult a solicitor for advice. You
both have to come to the negotiating table on equal terms and be willing
to share information with each other. If you want to use mediation but
don't want your partner to know your address or phone number, you should
tell the mediator at once. You can also request a separate waiting area
before meeting with your mediator.
Would I still need a solicitor?
In most cases, yes. Mediators can give you general information about
the law but they cannot give you personal advice. It is best to see
a solicitor before and during the mediation process so that he can tell
you what your rights are and where you stand on financial issues. It
could be a thankless task if you reach agreement without independent
legal advice as this could be challenged in court at a later date. You
may be loosing patience with all these procedures and may wish to bring
them to a conclusion but always rely on your own personal lawyer. You
will also need a solicitor to draw up any agreement at the end of this
process. This could then be made into a court order.
Please note that many of our recommended family law firms in our Directory
also offer mediation services. To read the article How to make the divorce
process less painful, please scroll down to the end of the page.
What can I expect at the first mediation meeting?
Meetings take place in a private and safe place. Usually there is only
the mediator (sometimes two) and you together with your partner. The
setting is informal and first names are normally used. The mediator
would explain the process to you and answer any questions. You would
then be asked about the issues you may wish to discuss. A list may be
drawn up and you may both be asked to supply information for the nest
meeting. A mediator is unable to make decisions for you but can facilitate
an atmosphere where you can both explore different solutions. He will
not take sides and will try to ensure that you are both heard on equal
terms.
How many sessions can I expect and how much will it cost?
This of course depends on the nature of the problems but, generally,
two to four sessions, each lasting about an hour and a half. There is
no standard fee. Don't be put off asking. If one mediator is unable
to help, he may suggest another. You may also be eligible for CLS (Community
Legal Service) funding if you are on a low wage, on benefits and don't
have much capital or savings. This used to be called Legal aid. If you
are already receiving this funding for legal advice, then you may be
required to try mediation.
Would everything discussed be treated as confidential?
Nothing is passed on to a third person unless you both agree. What you
say in mediation cannot be used in court if mediation breaks down but
this does not apply to the facts provided regarding income and property
for example. But if the mediator thinks that a child or adult is at
risk of harm or has been harmed, then he will stop the proceedings and
take suitable action, usually involving the police or social services.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of using mediation?
Advantages
NFM states that 68% of clients reach agreement when discussing chid
issues only. When couples discuss "all issues" (child/property/financial),
80% resolve all or some issues. Instead of each of you relying on solicitors
or the court to sort things out, mediation attempts to cut though the
anger and hurt, helping you to resolve the issues yourselves. One advantage
therefore is the likely reduction in legal costs and time as mediation
could bring about agreement in weeks or months rather than years although
you will both still need some time with your own solicitors.
An agreement made between yourselves is more likely to be kept rather than one forced upon you, especially where children are concerned. It focuses on the future rather than the past, allowing you both to reach a compromise which is considered just and fair. This agreement can then be drawn up by your solicitors and made into a formal court order. Even if agreement cannot be reached on all subjects, you will have at least gathered in the information that solicitors will need and therefore have saved on costs and time.
Disadvantages
Mediation is costly in terms of emotional stress. Having to meet your
soon to be ex can be quite traumatic but there is alot to be gained.
If one of you has always held the purse strings or made all the decisions,
you could be at a disadvantage but the mediator will try to keep things
on level ground. The main disadvantage occurs when solicitors are not
used before and during the mediation process as couples who expend so
much time and energy in mediation are sometimes reluctant to try to
change the agreement when advised to do so by their respective solicitors.
Your solicitor is the only one who can apply your personal circumstances to the law and decide what is equitable and fair. He is able to see the future pitfalls of any agreement and will want to protect your interests. Yet again, it is a question of gathering information, discussion and expert advice but it is up to you to decide in the end.
How do I find a mediator?
We are pleased to feature a few independent mediation services as well
as the national ones listed further below and would welcome news from
others.
There's an excellent mediation group called Lyons Davidson Family Mediation in Bristol, Bath, Weston-super-Mare, Trowbridge, Chepstow, Lydney and Stroud. There's another called Hallam Mediation in Sheffield, Doncaster and Rotherham.
You should first of all decide whether you need a family mediator
or a lawyer mediator
Family ones tend to deal with issues regarding children and lawyer mediators
are experienced family lawyers who have undertaken training in mediation
and are more suitable where problems include finances. You can ask whether
comprehensive all issues mediation is available. If you are not sure,
ask your solicitor for advice and you can always ask for a first appointment
with a mediator before committing yourself. Some mediators offer a free
half hour introduction session.
Lyons Davidson Family Mediation - Bristol, Bath, Weston-super-Mare,
Trowbridge, Chepstow, Lydney and Stroud.
Lyons Davidson Family Mediation isn't about marriage guidance or counselling.
It certainly isn't about lawyers fighting over the children, house,
car and money.
LD Family Mediation guides you
What LD Family Mediation does is to give you the expert, impartial help
of someone who's trained to listen, understand and help you reach your
own decisions. Someone who will focus your attention on what's important.
Someone who will help guide you through the practical concerns you'll
have to face. And, give you down-to-earth, understandable support on
reaching an agreement that you both can live with.
Both of you have to be ready and willing to take part in mediation
Both of you have to be open and honest. Both of you have to want it
to work. Then, it most certainly will. The alternative, after much time
and argument, could be a solution imposed on you by a judge, together
with potentially large legal costs.
What does LD mediation provide?
Our family mediators can provide everything you need to get through
your separation with the minimum of stress. We have proven expertise
in Family Law, real experience of the problems and pitfalls that can
occur and a genuine commitment to making the solution as simple and
straightforward as possible. Public funding (legal aid) for family mediation
available if you are eligible - please ask.
Contact Frances Place and her mediation team:
Tel: 0117 904 5900 / 0800 038 5900
Mobile: 07796 308257
Fax: 0117 904 6006
Email: info@lyonsdavidson.co.uk
Web: www.lddr.co.uk
Minicom: 0117 904 5892
Hallam Mediation - The independent family mediation service
Offices in Sheffield, Doncaster and Rotherham
For some years now, we have helped many couples to resolve family disputes
without going to court. We have helped to agree arrangements for children
and division of property by focusing on practical solutions.
In mediation there are no winners or losers. The aim is to work towards
an outcome which both parties regard as reasonable.
Hallam Mediation provides a high quality mediation service. We are
contracted to the Legal Services Commission to provide mediation to
clients who are eligible for public funding (legal aid). We also have
many privately-funded clients who benefit from the lower costs of mediation
compared with the expense which could be incurred in an acrimonious
separation.
The team of six solicitor mediators is led by Marilyn Cumberland and
includes Imogen Clout, the author of Which? Guide to
Divorce and splitting up
There's also a mediator/counsellor on the team.
Their website is: Hallam
Mediation
For their contact details, see Contact
Page for Hallam Mediation
Phone numbers:
Sheffield (0114) 221 1617
Doncaster (01302) 366643
Rotherham (01709) 366118
Email: e-mail: marilyn@hallamediation.com
Other sources of assistance are given below.
Are you having problems seeing your child?
If you are having problems regarding contact with your child, log on
to this excellent site www.itsnotyourfault.org
This site contains a list of mediation centres which may help you to
resolve these issues.
(We thank Vicky and the NCH for their support.)
Help with mediation fees
You may be eligible for help with paying for family mediation. For details
of family mediators throughout England and Wales who can offer family
mediation assisted by Community Legal Service funding contact:
CLS Directory Helpline
Tel:0845 608 1122 (minicom number:0845 609 6677) and or visit their
website.
If you are on limited means, always ask any mediation service if they
have reduced fees.
Other sources for mediation:
Please mention Divorce Aid when making contact with any of these agencies:
National Family Mediation
Star House 104 - 108 Grafton Road
London NW5 4BD
Tel: 0207 485 8809 Fax: 0207 284 1881
Email: general@nfm.org.uk
Web: www.nfm.org.uk/
NFM should be able to put you in touch with a local mediator. If you
phone them on this number, you will be asked to leave your name and
address on their answer machine. You will then receive a list of mediators
together with an explanation of their services in the post. You can
also discuss this with your solicitor and he could arrange a meeting
for you. This organisation has 70 centres and nearly all offer mediation
concerning "all issues" which means child issues together with property
and financial matters. They operate on a non profit basis and you should
always ask even if you are on limited means. In some cases, legal funding
may be available. See the information above.
Family Mediation Council
This organisation was launched in 2007 to improve standars
in mediation. See their website
In Scotland, contact:
Family Mediation Scotland
127 Rose Street, South Lane
Edinburgh EH2 4BB
Tel: 0131 226 4507 Their booklet, "Parents Apart", is very good.
The Family Mediators Association
FMA 6 Grove Road, Grove House, Redland, Bristol BS6 6UN
Web: www.fmassoc.co.uk
Tel: 0117 946 7180 or Fax on: 0117 946 7181 or write to:
This organisation usually uses two mediators, one being a lawyer mediator
and the other a family mediator. In this way, complicated property and
financial matters can be dealt with as well as looking after child issues
and the related stress. Again, this can be discussed with your solicitor.
Solicitors as sole mediators:
BALM - The British Association of Lawyer Mediators
The Shooting Lodge, Guildford Road,
Sutton Green
Guildford, Surrey GU4 7PZ
Tel: 01483 235000 Fax 01483 237004
The UK College of Family Mediators
This association is the central body which has set up standards of practice
in family mediation. You can contact them direct for assistance in finding
a mediator.
The UK College of Family Mediators
24-32 Stephenson Way
London NW1 2HX
Tel: 020 7391 9162/9158 Fax 020 7391 9165
Web: www.ukcfm.co.uk.
Family Mediation Helpline
The Family Mediation Helpline is staffed by specially trained
operators who provide:
.general information on family mediation;
.advice on whether your case may be suitable for mediation
.information about eligibility for public funding
contact details for mediation services in your local area
Phone 0845 60 26 627 or see mediation
site
The Family Mediators Association can be found at http://www.thefma.co.uk/
Please kindly say that you found them via this site.
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