Fathers living away

Fathers have feelings too
No matter whose decision it is to separate, a father can, of course, suffer extreme pain and loneliness when living apart from his children. If we could only exchange places with each other during this traumatic time, then we could possibly do what is best for the children.

In an interview, Sir Bob Geldof talked about his feelings after his separation from his wife and children. He said,

'It was an acute, overwhelming sense of loss, a universe of loss, accompanied by oceans of grief and deserts of emptiness. That was the emotional landscape I inhabited.'

Many fathers who have experienced this will agree.

Who can help?

Other fathers talk about feeling totally numb They are cut off from reality and unable to sleep or work. What had they done to deserve this? In many cases, it is the mother who has chosen to leave and taken the children with her. Despite spouses being good fathers, there are many cases when all contact with the children is broken off.

'I felt as though I had nothing to live for,' says John. 'I just believed that I would never see my kids again and that they would forget me. They had another man in their lives and I had no control whatsoever.'

John did see them again
But a period of some months had gone by. They had not forgotten him and never would. Things had calmed down and words said in anger were forgotten or at least put to one side. If only we could see things with hindsight, what would we do? Step back and reflect. Can you say truthfully that anger has no part in your decisions or your influence over the children? Would family mediation help? Please refer to our articles on this important subject.

Please use the agencies in the Further help section

Are the children following their hearts or are they acting to please you?
When you are both hurting so very much, it is difficult to see things through the eyes of a child. And seeing things through the eyes of a child is all that matters. Shouldn't your child have your permission to be loved by both parents and to love both parents especially during this difficult time?

"And when did you last see your father?"
Title of painting by W.F.Yeames 1878

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